Driftwood, driftwood
Wanting is a lonely map. The energetic difference between wanting and desire is stark — wanting is gripping, desire is expansive. Can you feel that? It’s much easier to be in want. We get to project onto our wanting, we get to be in fantasy about it, we get to make it mean something. If I get x, then y will change. If only I had z. If I had x, my whole life would improve.
Some of my work in this lifetime has been unraveling my relationship with wanting. Much of my wanting has come from a place of scarcity. When I was 17, I remember saying to myself, “I can’t wait to be 18 and move out, life will be so much better,” only to be surprised when I was confronted with my own reflection.
Mostly, wanting is just the act of siloing our hearts into what we think we should want. Something comes along, and it walks the way we want it to walk, and it talks the way we want it to talk, but the energy is off. It’s a flag that’s easy to ignore. And we want it to be true so badly that we can’t — won’t — clearly see it for what it is: driftwood.