Showing up for all of life
If I could have it my way, I would never get angry or fearful or jealous or sad or moody or make mistakes or experience anything that my perfectionist self has deemed “inconvenient.”
Of course, this isn’t a life—I am not a robot or Barbie living her perfect day. I’m wholeheartedly invested in living & experiencing the fullness of being human, in all its flaws & pains & annoyances.
Today I have felt like I’ve been trudging through, covered head to toe in wet, soggy mud. Drenched, saturated, and winded—my breath is hitching. I see myself with my hands overhead, gritting my teeth, letting out a feral howl to the sky.
Dramatic? Maybe—but it has been intense over here. I discovered a lump in my breast a little over a month ago and have been on a journey. Yesterday I got a biopsy done but before that, they tried to aspirate the lump which is really just a fancy word for drain. Turns out it wasn’t possible and it was extremely painful (or maybe it was the combination of the aspiration and the lidocaine hitting that was painful).